The Dairy Connection
So we’ve gone from unseasonably cold and much too rainy to, “Dear God, will you please turn down the thermostat and do something about this humidity?” all over night. Luckily the weather people are saying my prayer should be answered by tomorrow.
But now let’s talk about milk, shall we? And cheese and beef, while we’re at it.
These have nothing to do with the weather, by the way.
I have a friend here in Canada South whose little boy was very recently diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. I have another friend, back home, whose teenage son was also recently diagnosed with Crohn’s. But let’s talk about the first friend, the one here in Canada South, and her son, and milk.
According to the pediatric gastroenterologist that the first friend’s son is seeing, Crohn’s disease is very much on the rise in our country. Really, what disease isn’t these days? Anyway, according to my friend, the good doctor (or maybe it was just her independent research? I don’t remember) told her that Crohn’s has increased in the last 100 years by 4000%. No, I didn’t not put too many zeros on that number.
While he did say that nobody knows for sure what causes Crohn’s, the gastro doc said the current theory is that it is triggered by a reaction to mycobacterium avium paratuberculosis bacteria. After being diagnosed with Crohn’s, her son was tested for these bacteria and the test came back positive. I know my second friend’s son was also tested for tuberculosis (I can only assume the same type), but I don’t know how those tests came back.
So, my understanding from talking to my first friend (I haven’t done any research on my own yet) is that the bacteria are found in one of every three gallons of milk we buy in America. They are also found in meat and cheese, but these are safer as long as they are melted/cooked, because the heat kills the bacteria. The bacteria do survive the pasteurization process, but could be killed by it if the milk were to undergo the process for a little longer than it currently does. Goat products are apparently no safer, as the bacteria are also found in goats and deer. Yes, deer, though I’ve never known anyone to consume deer milk or cheese.
So, you know, wow. Sure, it’s only a theory at this point, and the theory also includes the caveat that those who are genetically predisposed to autoimmune diseases are more susceptible, but wow. And? Is there anybody left in the US who doesn’t have a history of autoimmune disease in their family?
I’ve already been wary of dairy for years. Literally, for years. But, like most Americans, I’ve let my judgment be swayed by the fear mongering hype that without dairy my children’s bones would crumble to dust and their teeth would melt out of their mouths. This, even though I know there are other good sources of calcium, vegetable sources of calcium, to be had. I think the possible link with Crohn’s disease is the final straw for me.
Tewt the Newt is on the lookout for studies funded by the USDA and the National Dairy Council which will irrevocably disprove the theory connecting cows and Crohn’s. *snort*
Newsflash: We Are Not Moving to Australia
I know! Right???
You’re all thinking, “Since when did anybody think you were moving to Australia?”
The short answer would be, “Never.”
But we all know I’m not good with the short, so here’s the extended version: for about five minutes (okay, maybe two or three days) a week or so ago, we thought there might be, with a little luck, the remotest possibility that the hubster could get a 2-3 year position in The Land Down Under.
We also all know that I hate moving. And? I HATE flying. But for the chance to live practically on the beach, with winters that feel like our springs and summers that feel like our summers (more or less)? For the chance to attend events in the Sydney Opera House, watch international surfing competitions (there have to be surfers out there who look like Thor, right?), and take small excursions into the outback? I mean, not too far into the outback, because I love me some running water and flush toilets, but still. And speaking of flush toilets . . . for the opportunity to flush a toilet and watch the water swirl backwards?? Who wouldn’t get on a plane for that?
Plus? Assignments such as these allow one to keep one’s house, so we’d have a home to come back to.
And? They speak English in Australia! But I think we all knew that already.
Still, my children would come back with exotic accents (because I’d probably put them in public schools there) (for the cultural experience, of course) (not because I’d want to spend my time reading on the beach) and stories to tell, and I’d have all kinds of great pictures and material for the blog, so maybe I’d start writing on a regular basis again, and the beaches . . . did I mention the beaches?
But, as I said, we are not going. Apparently even that remote possibility we thought might exist never did.
*SIGH*
Did you know that in much, if not most, of the Midwest, all the state parks and the like close at dusk. Melbourne beaches, however, are open 24 hours. You don’t have to be a drunk monkey to appreciate the implications.
*HEAVY SIGH*
While I’m on the topic of things we aren’t doing, here are a few more:
First: We aren’t planning to be taken up in the rapture this evening. By the way, was that all supposed to start at 6p.m. Eastern, Central, or Pacific? I’m still confused about the details. Or is God going to start on the east coast and work His way west, abiding by man-made time zones? That seems unlikely, no?
Anyway, it’s not that we think we are horribly evil people who have no chance, it’s just that we believe: a. Nobody knows when Christ will come again; and b. The rapture (you know, when all the righteous believers just zip on up to heaven, leaving the rest of the world behind and, theoretically, cars careening on the roads and planes falling out of the sky (when the drivers and pilots get taken up)), no matter when it is supposed to happen, is an interesting bit of fiction theory to which we do not subscribe.
Aww, don’t get your undies in a twist. Nine.9 out of 10 of my readers think the Joseph Smith “story” is fiction, so we’re even, okay?
Second: We aren’t visiting back home like we should be at this very minute. McH went to bed sick last night and woke up sicker this morning, when we were supposed to be leaving. I finally got him to eat a meal at diner time. Thank heaven for the miracle that is hot and ready pizzas. Between his decrepitness, germs, and all the germs that have apparently been incubating and brewing at my parents’ house, it seemed best to stay home.
Because we are not visiting back home, Third: we didn’t go to my nephew’s baptism, and Fourth: I will not be going to drool over see Thor with my friends tonight.
As you can see, we are not doing a whole lot today.
Oh, I just checked the time. Thor starts in an hour.
*SIGH*
And if God is going by time zones, it’s too late for me. See? I told you I wasn’t going.
I did weed some landscaping today. Did you know that thistles and dandelions just really don’t hold the same appeal as Australian beaches?
Oh, right, you did.
Anyway, I hate weeding (hmm . . . I hate a lot of things today: moving, flying, weeding . . . whatever), but I must admit, I felt a little bit like Scarlet O’Hara out there, working my land, gaining a greater appreciation for it, and explaining to my girls that some of the weeds are edible (because, you know, as God is my witness, I will never allow them to go hungry again ever). I really do love our house and our property here. Really. And today was absolutely, perfectly gorgeous weather-wise, so it was all good. But no worries, I’m not making myself a new dress out of curtains.
After the weeding, I took the oldest two to see the new Pirates movie. Meh. That’s about all I can say about that one. After the movie we stopped at a shoe store just to check it out. I almost bought some shoes that were “Fergalicious.” Seriously. As cute as they were, and as on sale as they were, I decided that: a. they weren’t that comfortable (almost, but not quite); and: b. I couldn’t wear anything with “Fergalicious” stamped on the foot bed. I mean, what if I was in some accident and one of my shoes got knocked off and then somebody retrieved it for me and was carrying it back to me and happened to see the “Fergalicious” in it and then I had to make eye contact with them to say, “Umm . . . thank you, but that is not my shoe,”?
Because I am a 40-year-old, married, mother of five. What else could I say? I mean, other than, “What do you mean the matching shoe is on my other foot? You aren’t making any sense. Everything looks so dark. Why do you sound so far away? I think I need an ambulance . . .” Then, of course, I’d have to faint. Or at least pretend to.
It all just sounded like way too much to go through for a pair of shoes.
So, Fifth: I’m not sporting new, Fergalicious shoes today.
Tewt the Newt thinks that was a wise decision.
I’m Not Dead Yet
As we all know, the Twilight movies suck, and not just in a vampire kind of way. They suck in a Rebecca Black Friday kind of way. I mean, I go see them all. I even buy them all when they come out on dvd, but still? As romantic as the notion that Bella and Edward will live on together forever is, I’m glad I don’t have to watch it all.
It could be argued that the only redeeming quality in any of the Twilight movies to date is Taylor Lautner’s abs. Or maybe his pecs. His arms are kind of nice, too. But the problem with that argument, of course, is that I’m old enough to be his mother. I know I am not the only one who has had this love/loathing relationship with Wolf Boy’s muscles.
You know who you are. I won’t name names.
But I will give you a cure, and the cure’s name is Thor.
Thor is much older than the wolf guy. In fact, he is only 13 years younger than I am (if memory and IMDB serve), which means I am not old enough to be his mother, which means I have no qualms about telling all three people who still read my blog:
H-O-T!
It was probably bad form on my part to be walking out of the theater with my husband and panting things like, “That was a WHOLE lot of man!” But honestly? That was a WHOLE lot of man, and there wasn’t much I could do to make it not true.
That was a week ago.
I immediately texted my best friend to tell her she must see the movie. Last night, she did. Then she immediately texted me. It was something along the lines of “Thor . . . Yummmm.”
Which, now that I think about it, may be what I had originally texted her.
But I think, really, that she summed it up best (for the sake of context, we were talking about the scene in which he was shirtless): “It was like he had on armor w/o having armor.”
Or anything else, for that matter.
The moral of the story, of course, is that Norse gods are the hottest, and old women may be old but we aren’t dead (unlike Edward and his weird nipples).
Or something like that.
Tewt the Newt is too busy trying to figure out when we can go see him it again.
But That’s Not What This Story is About
First, a long overdue thank you to Deanne for the recipe for homemade taco seasoning in the comments of the last food post. I shall be trying it soon!
But that’s not what this story is about.
So the other day my washing machine fainted.
“What?!” you ask. “How does a washing machine faint??”
Well, it’s like this: One day last week, I don’t remember which day, probably Saturday, I threw a load of laundry in and we all went out somewhere, I don’t remember where, but probably to see the horses. When we came home, the astute and perennially studly husband (who, not surprisingly, has lost more weight than I have) noticed the washer was making a very odd noise, almost as if it were saying, “Quick! My swoon bottle! I must have my swoon bottle!!”
“What’s this noise the washing machine is making?” he asked, as if I were the Maytag man.
By the time I could join him in the laundry room, and before I could give him the swoon bottle schtick, the noise had ceased and the washing machine was doing nothing. NOthing. I spun the nob and tried restarting it, and nothing. SWOON.
So the IT god husband got the bright idea to unplug the washer and leave it be for a couple hours, then plug it back in to see if it worked. I mocked him and said that one can’t reboot washing machines. He called my dad, who told him to unplug it for a couple hours and leave it be, then plug it back in and see if it worked. Puh-lease.
After a couple of hours, I plugged the thing back in. And? It worked. So you see? My washing machine didn’t die. It fainted.
But that’s not what this story is about.
Incidentally, we are replacing the washer and dryer anyway. They are relatively old, our family is large, and I have neither the time nor the patience for fainting appliances.
But that’s not what this story is about, either.
This story is about the events leading up to the Big Swoon.
It began in the morning with Tank Boy telling me he didn’t have any clean underwear in his dresser and a subsequent massive search through the clean-but-as-yet-unfolded laundry piled in a basket on the dryer. The search was futile, and Tank Boy was forced to go commando while I began sorting and doing even more laundry.
Throughout the sorting process I noticed a conspicuous lack of Tank-Boy-sized underwear and asked him where it all was. In typical six-year-old boy fashion, he shrugged his shoulders and said something like, “I dunno.”
As I continued to sort and shove laundry around on my laundry room floor (what? who cares if it’s on the floor? it’s getting washed anyway) I noticed a clump of clothing behind the door. I pulled it out to find, of course, several pairs of Tank Boy’s unmentionables. Predictable, no?
What I did not expect to find, however, were what can only be diplomatically described as severe skid marks gracing the little boy boxers briefs. I will spare you the graphic details and an expanded metaphor about how much rubber was on the road, but, obviously, a conversation with my son was in order.
“Dude,” I said, “If you don’t wipe well enough and your underwear winds up like this, TELL me about it. Don’t hide it. I need to wash it right away, not have it festering behind the laundry room door.”
I know at this point you are wondering how bad my house must smell if we hadn’t noticed the odor of more than one set of soiled shorts, but the truth is? They just didn’t stink. My house doesn’t smell. I’ve even had someone ask me how we can manage to have such big dogs and a house that doesn’t stink.
“So in the future,” I asked, “you are going to put the dirty underwear in the laundry room and tell me about it, right?”
“Right,” he said.
“Because that is totally gross,” I said.
“Okay,” he said.
“I’m not going to be mad at you about dirty underwear, but if you hide it again I will probably be mad,” I said.
“Okay,” he said.
“Okay,” I said.
“Mom?” he asked, “how is it again that women get pregnant?”
“And that,” says Tewt the Newt, “Is what this story is about.”
Almost Two Months Without a Migraine, and Then Today Hit
Suck.
Pain-wise, it isn’t the worst migraine ever. I’m typing, after all, not sitting on the kitchen floor wrapped around a mega pack of Charmin. But still, the hung-over feeling (I am assuming, of course, that this is what a hang-over feels like), the inability to process thoughts and pick the right words out of my brain, the pain (relatively mild though it is), the overwhelming desire to just sleep all day, the mild desire to puke, it all sucks.
And I have not cheated on my diet. Well, unless you count the coconut oil I put on my popcorn, when I have popcorn. Because coconut and popcorn? Are not on the same day. But I never eat coconut anything on the day I CAN, so I figure it should be ok to use on one other of my four rotation days.
Whatever.
My main theory at this point is that the lovely, migraine-free life that I had been enjoying had to do with a combination of three things: bio-identical hormones, the diet, and at least two miles a day on the treadmill five days a week (I don’t run much, I walk). For the past three or so weeks I’ve been lucky to get in two days on the treadmill. So I think it’s the lack of exercise. Or maybe it’s because the diet was going so well I thought I could cut back on my hormones a bit (though I did hike them back up a few days ago because I could feel that I needed them, but maybe it was too late to stop this from coming). Maybe it was a combination of the lack of exercise and lack of hormones.
Whatever.
I’m pressing on. I’m staying with the diet. I’m also getting back on the treadmill (it’s actually pretty much the only thing I accomplished today before I collapsed in a chair and spent way too much time just staring at Facebook, waiting for new status updates to appear) (oh yes, very lame) (I could have been catching up on blog reading, except my brain couldn’t process that many words at once).
So now my family is playing Apples to Apples on the floor while I sit here typing every word 17 times in order to get them spelled correctly (I can’t sit close enough to Apples to Apples to participate, or my head might explode). Seriously, you should see some of the craziness coming out of my fingers. Maybe, if this happens again, I won’t fix anything so you can see what a migraine looks like (in case you’ve never had one).
At any rate, this is very disappointing to me. I really thought I was going to be able to say, “Hey, TWO MONTHS!!! Yay for me and yay for my ALCAT diet!!”
Suck.
But now I’m two pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight, which puts me only seven pounds over my wedding weight and five pounds over my all-through-high-school weight. So? Yay for me and yay for my ALCAT diet on that count anyway.
And? I bought skinny jeans the other day. They actually don’t look half bad on me, though they do reaffirm what I have long known: my calves are at least one size bigger than the rest of my body. I have the wrists of a ballerina and the calves of a lumberjack. And the gut of a woman who has birthed three children and done about 15 crunches since then. I could be a Dr. Seuss character, but all the bright colors would hurt.
The good thing about the lumberjack calves is that they give my mid-rise skinny jeans staying power. You know how mid-rise jeans with spandex tend to slouch down and just become low-rise jeans? And the crotch hangs unattractively down to your knees unless you constantly are hiking them back up like a plumber? And your I’ve-birthed-three-children gut hangs over the waistband that is supposed to be covering it, at least partially? The lumberjack calves make the lower part of the skinny jeans so snug that no part of them can slide downward.
Now I find myself wondering if the snugness of the jeans has the same effect as compression stockings. Because, if so, skinny jeans really are for old people like me. Not that I need compression stockings. Not that I know of, anyway. But the oldness, you know, it encroaches more and more every day.
Tewt the Newt would like me to shut up now. The rambling is annoying him.
Epiphany Update: Meaning I HAD an epiphany! The other day I made sushi and added sushi vinegar (the ingredients looked fairly safe and within the parameters of the diet, mostly) and after eating it my mouth felt raw. I mean, RAW. So maybe that sushi vinegar is part of my problem today. I did cheat. It was a small cheat (an unknown type of sugar in the vinegar on a day when I could have beet sugar), but I felt the effect it was having on my mouth and I ate it anyway — a lot of it. And honestly? I don’t even know about vinegar in general — it wasn’t mentioned one way or the other on the test results. Hmmm . . .
More Big Bad Wolves of Food Labels
But first? Somebody posted this on Facebook this morning:
India foxtrot Yankee Oscar uniform charlie alpha November uniform November delta echo romeo sierra tango alpha November delta tango hotel India sierra charlie Oscar papa Yankee alpha November delta papa alpha sierra tango echo tango Oscar Yankee Oscar uniform romeo sierra tango alpha tango uniform sierra (IN HONOR of our military WHEREVER they may be) – let’s see who gets it and follows the instructions.
And I just thought, “Wookie Hagrid Yeti?”
Whatever. On to the topic of today . . .
*Oh, you have no idea how sorely tempted I am to blog about something else I saw on Facebook recently, but I’m refraining. Let’s just say some people apparently need to have a few real problems in their lives to help put things in perspective, know what I mean? (And no, in case you are wondering, it doesn’t involve anyone that anyone knows through blogging; also, because I’m sure somebody will take it personally if I don’t specify this, it doesn’t involve anyone in my family, extended, immediate, in-law, or otherwise) (and now somebody is bound to take that personally).*
Anyway, seriously, on to the topic of the day (Please remember, these are just copies of notes I made to aid me as I taught the class, so it’s not, nor was it intended to be, stellar or engaging writing by any means):
MSG and Other Glutamate Excitotoxins
Glutamate is an excitatory neurotransmitter in the brain. In unnatural levels it is toxic.
Information from Dr. Russell Blaylock – 26 years practicing neurosurgery as well as running a nutritional practice, now devotes his full attention to nutritional studies and research.
Excitotoxins are a special group of amino acids that are the building blocks of proteins that we call glutamate, aspartate*, and cysteine. These excitoxins are added to food to improve the flavor. When neurons become exposed to these substances they become excited and fire very rapidly until they become extremely exhausted and die. There are glutamate receptors throughout the body. Some of these excitotoxins are hidden by the names:
MSG (monosodium glutamate)
hydrolyzed vegetable protein
caseinate
autolyzed yeast extract
beef or chicken broth
natural flavoring
soy protein
soy isolates
soy protein concentrates
hydrolyzed protein
vegetable protein extract
textured vegetable protein
Excitotoxin additives can be called whatever the food manufacturers want to call them as long as the glutamate content is less than 99% pure.
“It is very difficult to find a processed food that does not contain [glutamates]”.
There are connections between excess glutamates and obesity, diabetes, cancer, endocrine problems, and macular degeneration. Glutamates damage the brain. They are toxic at the cellular level and cause breaks in your DNA.
The toxicity is cumulative. Your body does not quickly process it out.
*Excess levels of aspartate in your body are converted to glutamate.
Nitrates and Nitrites
Nitrates and nitrites are used to preserve foods, especially meats like bacon, hot dogs, and lunch meats. They preserve the flavor of the meat and give it a more appealing color. They are also used in fertilizers and cosmetics (things you put on your skin can and will be absorbed into your blood stream!)
Some scientists (Suzanne de la Monte, MD, MPH et. al. of Rhode Island Hospital) have found a strong link between increasing levels of nitrates and nitrites in our food supply and increasing death rates from Alzheimer’s, diabetes, and Parkinson’s disease.
Nitrate itself isn’t apparently toxic, except that it converts into nitrite in your body. Via the cooking process (heat) and/or combination with certain stomach juices, the nitrites convert into nitrosamines, which are carcinogenic (cancer causing) and can alter gene expression and cause DNA damage.
Trans Fat
Trans fats are artificial fats made when hydrogen reacts with oil. They are used to prolong the shelf life of processed foods.
While many fats raise your LDL (bad) cholesterol, trans fats both raise your LDL cholesterol and lower your HDL (good) cholesterol.
Think of bacon grease clogging your sink pipes. Because the hydrogenation process thickens the fats, that is what they are doing to your arteries. Blech.
High LDL and low HDL combined increase your risk of heart disease.
Nutritional labels can say “0 trans fats” as long as there is less than 0.5 grams of trans fat per serving. However, if you eat more than one serving, that can add up quickly to exceed recommended limits (which are highly debated as it is, but the American Heart Association recommends no more than 1% of daily caloric intake from trans fats).
You know you are eating trans fats if the label says:
Hydrogenated oil
Partially hydrogenated oil
shortening
“Fully” or “completely” hydrogenated oils actually do NOT contain trans fats.
Trans fats increase triglycerides, increase inflammation, and increase lipoprotein (a type of LDL found in your blood).
The human body doesn’t have any need for trans fats.
***End of Notes***
So now I’m reading that book about hidden food allergies by the purveyors of the ALCAT test (the title is something like How Your Hidden Food Allergies Are Making You Fat) (I’m too lazy to go get it and double check) and so far I’m pretty much thinking two things:
1. Also not stellar or engaging writing by any means
2. Rather repetitive
3. Everybody should have this test done before they go on any medication for . . . umm . . . almost anything.
While the book itself is reading annoyingly like one looooong infomerical (okay, maybe not quite that bad – there is some science in it that nobody in their right mind would throw into an infomercial), I am really intrigued about the nutritional approach to wellness. I am especially intrigued because I am experiencing some of the things they specifically talk about in the book.
Remember when I said that, since starting this diet, my cravings are about 99.9% gone? They harp on that very point over and over in the book: people who find out what foods are reactive for them, and cut those foods out, lose their cravings. And can I tell you how much easier it is to keep the big bad wolves out of your diet when you aren’t constantly craving crap? MUCH EASIER.
They also talk about how people who follow their own personal rotation of non-reactive foods can eat as much of those non-reactive foods as they want and still lose weight. So true! I’m experiencing that. I eat as much as I want (which, granted, is less than I used to eat since I don’t have the wild blood sugar swings or cravings) and I’m still losing weight. Awesomeness.
Then there is the whole “I haven’t had a migraine in almost two months” thing, and the fact that I am able to cut back on my bio-identicals. Good things.
By no means does the book claim that adhering to a rotation diet as prescribed by one’s personal ALCAT test results will cure anything and everything. However it does claim that there are studies and anecdotal evidence to support the idea that it can help with things such as autoimmune diseases, infertility, migraines (umm, yes!), eczema, irritable bowel, asthma, ADD, and (as if the title isn’t warning enough about how much they beat this drum) obesity.
If you think this sounds like something you might want to look into doing for yourself, I have just two cautionary statements:
1. Good luck finding a doctor who will do it! They are out there, but generally not easy to find.
2. Good luck getting your insurance to pay for even part of it. Seriously.
Now, one LAST thing: meatless tacos.
I can’t eat them (or any other type of tacos) because I can’t eat corn and rice on the same day. I also can’t eat a bunch of the ingredients in the taco seasoning (and I really need to find a healthier brand of that). BUT! My family ate them with no complaints. AND? They are very easy. Just cook brown rice (however much you need for your family) according to the directions on the package, EXCEPT add taco seasoning to the water and whisk it around a bit so you don’t get big clumps BEFORE the rice goes in. Because brown rice is a whole grain, if you serve it with some type of bean you will have a complete protein without meat. So? Easy and cheap!
I’m not a vegetarian, I’m not going to become a vegetarian, but I am all for consuming less meat. So if you have any ideas/suggestions on how to do that (without resorting to pre-packaged, processed meat-like products) (I’m really trying to go for whole, unprocessed food ideas here), I’d love to hear them!
And so would Tewt the Newt.
I’m calling this post Mormonish because I will undoubtedly share my own interpretation of things, and I, amazing thought I might be in some alternate universe, do not speak for the church as a whole. So, with that caveat, let us begin.
In addition to the Bible, both Old and New Testaments (King James version), everybody knows (I think), that we have another book of scripture: The Book of Mormon (no, I do not want to see the musical). What is probably lesser known is that we have a third book of scripture: The Doctrine and Covenants. This third book of scripture is comprised largely of revelations received by the prophet Joseph Smith during the early days of the church. One section, Section 89, is specifically referred to as The Word of Wisdom. It is not particularly long, so I will copy it in it’s entirety for you:
1A Word of Wisdom, for the benefit of the council of high priests, assembled in Kirtland, and the church, and also the saints in Zion—
2To be sent greeting; not by commandment or constraint, but by revelation and the word of wisdom, showing forth the order and will of God in the temporal salvation of all saints in the last days—
3Given for a principle with promise, adapted to the capacity of the weak and the weakest of all saints, who are or can be called saints.
4Behold, verily, thus saith the Lord unto you: In consequence of evils and designs which do and will exist in the hearts of conspiring men in the last days, I have warned you, and forewarn you, by giving unto you this word of wisdom by revelation—
5That inasmuch as any man drinketh wine or strong drink among you, behold it is not good, neither meet in the sight of your Father, only in assembling yourselves together to offer up your sacraments before him.
6And, behold, this should be wine, yea, pure wine of the grape of the vine, of your own make.
7And, again, strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies.
8And again, tobacco is not for the body, neither for the belly, and is not good for man, but is an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill.
9And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.
10And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—
11Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.
12Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used sparingly;
13And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine.
14All grain is ordained for the use of man and of beasts, to be the staff of life, not only for man but for the beasts of the field, and the fowls of heaven, and all wild animals that run or creep on the earth;
15And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine and excess of hunger.
16All grain is good for the food of man; as also the fruit of the vine; that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground—
17Nevertheless, wheat for man, and corn for the ox, and oats for the horse, and rye for the fowls and for swine, and for all beasts of the field, and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain.
18And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones;
19And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;
20And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.
21And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and not slay them. Amen.
The sticking point for many people is verse nine, “And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly.” Now, without apology or an in-depth attempt at explanation (because I don’t have one for you), later prophets have said that “hot drinks” means coffee and tea. In our lesson manuals and on the official church website, the official position is that “hot drinks” means coffee and tea.
Some people assume that since coffee and tea (and we’re talking actual tea here – from tea leaves – not various concoctions of herbs an fruity things that make up the endless arrays of herbal teas) are high in caffeine then that means that we don’t drink anything with caffeine. But the official position is “coffee and tea” not “coffee and tea because they contain caffeine.”
So do we drink caffeine?
Interesting question. On campus at BYU one cannot buy caffeinated beverages of any sort. Back in the mid 1990s, then-prophet Gordon B. Hinckley did an interview with Mike Wallace on 60 Minutes and said we do not drink caffeine. Yes, that Monday was an awkward one for me as I arrived at work with my 64oz. of fully-leaded Diet Coke. Furthermore, we have been cautioned more than once by general authorities (Prophet and apostles) during General Conferences (twice yearly internet/satelite t.v. church) to avoid addictive substances. Caffeine is addictive.
And yet? The official interpretation of “hot drinks” is still “coffee and tea.”
This, of course, means it’s up to us each individually to decide what we feel is right when it comes to other caffeinated beverages like sodas and hot chocolate (it has caffeine and is hot!). I had a friend who regularly drank herbal teas, but she would only drink them cold so that they were just an herbal “drink” and not “tea.” I have known people who wouldn’t even do that. I have known those who will not drink any caffeinated soda, and I have known those who would gladly drown themselves in it if they could. I have been to parties at LDS homes, with only LDS guests, where the hosts have put out two beverage coolers: one with caffeine-free pop and one with caffeinated pop. Leaded and un-leaded, we call it.
Myself? I never drank caffeinated pop until I was a student at BYU. Diet Coke became a staple of my diet. I gave it up for a while when I was about 30, but then the good people at Dr. Pepper came out with a berries and cream version for a while, and what started out as one 20 oz. bottle in the name of curiosity turned into a re-addiction. But I can’t blame it entirely on the Dr. Pepper people. By that time my migraines were becoming more frequent, and caffeine really does help those. Really.
I am off the pop again. I have been off it for . . . I don’t know how long now. Several months, anyway. But in my pantry? I have three bottles of Water Joe (which means I’ve used three). In case you aren’t familiar with Water Joe, it is caffeinated water. Really, I’d say the people who sell caffeinated water should be shot, except? It’s nice to have around in case of a migraine (or extreme stress) (I’m not perfect, and it helps me feel happier). Much better than the chemical-laden diet sodas which are more addictive and much less healthy.
So do we, as Mormons drink pop? Yes, many do; no, many don’t; my personal belief? Nobody should, regardless of religious affiliation – but that, of course, makes me a complete hypocrite. Well, not complete, since I don’t drink it any more. I guess I could say it makes me more the voice of experience. I understand the happy factor that comes from a bubbly combination of caffeine and phenylalanine (in diet sodas). I have, at times, relied heavily upon that happy factor. I don’t know if it’s the same with regular pop and all the high fructose corn syrup. All I know, is that I believe, for myself, all religion aside, that soda really isn’t good for anyone.
Caffeine? I believe has it’s place if used very sparingly.
But while the rest of the world is scratching it’s collective head and wondering about Mormons and the caffeine thing, here is, to me, the bigger issue: The Word of Wisdom tells us not to drink alcohol, do drugs, use tobacco, or drink coffee and tea, but what about the rest of it? What about the part where it says to eat meat sparingly, mostly in winter or times of famine? What about the part that tells us to eat fruits and herbs in their season? I think we focus on the things we should not do (which is a good start, to be sure) but ignore the things we are supposed to be doing. I think as church members we get too hung up on judging or being defensive when it comes to others’ and our decisions about herbal teas and caffeinated sodas when we should just be worried about our own personal adherence to all of the Word of Wisdom.
It’s hard to eat things in season these days, since almost everything is available all year long, but it’s something I want to tackle at some point. We’ve made strides in cutting back meat, but there is still a lot of room for improvement in that area.
So, now that the whole caffeine issue is clear as mud, Tewt the Newt needs to go get the chicken tacos ready for dinner. Hmmm . . . maybe the chicken could go back in the freezer and the tacos could just be brown rice and beans? I’ve done them that way in he past when the budget was REALLY tight, and you know what? They are pretty darned good.
Okay. Change of plans. Tewt the Newt is going to put the chicken back in the freezer.
